Lenny's Blog

00620, Miniature Victorian bike porn

2011-11-26T15:04:00.001Z

As featured in "Penny farthings and babes" 1886.

00619, De Branch

2011-11-17T18:17:00.003Z

I is de branch, innit.

00618 Day 147 to 167, the Last 21

2011-10-18T12:12:00.004Z

I have reached the end … for the moment.

On the 9th August I signed a work contract with a local company and, realising that I couldn’t in all fairness walk through their doors looking hang-dog and half-dead every day, I decided to call a halt to M.A.D. Consequently all motivation to blog the backlog of completed projects lapsed.

Until now.

Here is a status update:
Days completed: 167
I feel: Happysadness
Number of uncompleted projects: F(x, y)*

I won't go through them all, but here are the highlights:

Below is a list of the projects currently unblogged (which will naturally and immediately create a paradox).

Day Project

147 Solder Alarm
148 the Wickerish Man
149 Undercarrager
150 Atari Punk Console
151 Trimariner
152 Spin the Bottle Die
153 Crowned/Not Crowned Pooh Stick
154 Sound activated camera remote
155 Sandy Cake City/Featherwing
156 Pocket Rocket
157 Breadboarder 2.0
158 D2 - Drink or Drive
159 Jazz!
160 Axis of Feeble
161 the Delivery
162 the Frikkin' Laaaser rifle
163 the Target
164 I Love Lamp
165 Cable release
166 Awkwerd
167 PP-1/Skullllll!

You don’t need descriptions of what they all are (or maybe you do), but the image are all in the Flickr set.

In the meantime, I will take everything I have learned and apply myself to the relief od human suffering.

Or I may just piss about.

*where x = number of days left to live, y = number of distractions
the true value of F(x,y) at any time has never been calculated, but is assumed to be very large.

00617 Day 146, Spaced 2.0

2011-08-10T09:05:00.004Z

It is Day 1024* of our mission to the outer reaches of the solar system and we have now exhausted the crew members marked as expendable in the pre-mission script. Now the hard decisions have to be made. The remaining crew members include myself, the Science officer, Chief Engineer, and the Doctor - all of whom have significant speaking parts and cannot be lost without jeopardising the series. One notable loss which I have neglected to mention so far is that of the Communications Officer, who was mauled to death after falling and spraining her ankle while being chased by a monster. These stereotyped deaths are really plying havoc with the crew's morale.

As if that wasn't enough, the guy who made my ship out of scraps of wood, wire, old surface mount components and outlet pipe, has seen fit to drybrush her all to hell, so she ironically looks as if she needs a new paint job.

Fortunately I remain firmly in command and incredibly handsome.

*The Captain's log is made of MDF.

00616 Day 145, Airbrushing

2011-08-10T09:02:00.002Z

An airbrush, some paints, a roll of masking tape, some paper and five minutes.

Brevity has become my new specialty.

Breshialty.

00615, Day 144, the Plug

2011-08-03T23:59:00.003Z

"Plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug,

PLUG, PLUG!"*

to the tune of the "Batman" theme, but you can also sing it to the tune of "Need a tiny plug for your breadboard, but they always get flimsy and break where the PCB interconnect pins meet the wire? Simply slip a piece of plastic drinking straw over the wire to be connected to the pins, epoxy glue the join after soldering and slide the straw over the glued section - Voila le plug!"

00614 Day 143, the Powerboard

2011-08-03T23:52:00.002Z

Dear Lenny,

While on holiday, we saw this in a shop called "things that Lenny made". It seemed like such a coincidence, we just had to go in.
Jim (that's my made up husband's name - I'm his wife Peggy, who is writing this), has been following your blog and saw that you had got up to Day 142 and he thought that you might like to have this for your Day 143 thing. That way, you can have a holiday from making one thing every day and it's still made by Lenny, so technically, it's still OK.
Hope you like it.

Lots of love

Peggy
(BTW - I'm your imaginary aunt)

P.S. It's something that you can stick in a breadboard to conveniently supply it with wither 5V or 12V, so you don't have all those annoying batteries and wires lying around.

00613 Day 142, the Sound Trigger

2011-08-03T23:49:00.002Z

When wishing to capture the image of a fracturing balloon, it would be wise to arm oneself with the appropriate triggering mechanism.

One such as is displayed above should prove adequate.

One just needs to link the mechanism to the preferred source of instantaneous light.

One needs to mess with one's strobe.

00612 Day 141, the Suggestion Box

2011-07-31T08:52:00.002Z

From the instruction manual:

An experiment in iterative and evolutionary suggestibility.
Take a slip of paper from the pocket in the front of the box, add your suggestion as to how the box can be improved and post the completed slip through the hole at the top of the box. The box will then be opened (by pulling upwards on the lid until the neodymium magnets release) and then changed in its next iteration to include the enhancements suggested.

Warning: Evolutionary suggestion boxes can be dangerous if left without administration. If you see the box's evolutionary trend moving towards the production of weaponised suggestion boxes, discontinue the process and revert to the original form.

Alternatively, give the box to your PTA and let them use it in the conventional way.

00611 Day 140, Breadboarder

2011-07-31T08:43:00.002Z

Dear Diary

Being a PICAXE microcontroller chip is all very good and well, but I find it hard sometimes. I know I'm supposed to allow people to make anything electrical turn on an off when pretty much anything happens, but lately it's been a real drag. Basically, every time the guy I work for wants to make something, he sticks me in one of those breadboards with loads of holes in it and then just covers it with wires. It's so confusing. I mean, I know exactly what to do and in what order to do it, but this guy, all he has to do is stick a wire in the wrong hole and, BAM! He has to spend the next two hours tracing all the connections back to their origins to find the problem. But the other day, he got me this slinky new PCB which means that all the gubbins that he usually has to wire up to me is already attached in all the right places. I just slip on this PCB and plug myself into the breadboard. I look so much better without all those unnecessary interconnects.

Man, I hope my bum doesn't look to big in this.

00610 Day 139, the Guy

2011-07-31T08:40:00.002Z

Problem: Need to make a comic book without the ability to draw reproducible characters.

Solution: Egg headed man with kidney bean body.

Next up in comic book creation: Background generation using Sketchup.

00609 Day 138, the IR Sensor

2011-07-31T08:37:00.002Z

On your way to making a high speed photography rig? Need to trip the flash when a drop passes through a sensor?

Then you need to learn electronics and pull up your socks if you haven't! You've got some catching up to do, boy/girl/other!

00608 Day 137, Tiny Gun

2011-07-27T09:22:00.002Z

Pay attention 0.07.

We've had to come up with something special for your latest assignment, so I want you to watch carefully. An ordinary looking twig. But I take this penknife and shave off the bark, carve it along here and here, file down the sides, solder two pieces of wire together bend them to make the trigger and the trigger guard.

There, I think you'll appreciate the scaled down nature of the new weapon, given that you're only three inches high.

On the down side, we've had to compromise on some of the features. For instance, it won't fire anything and is functionally identical to a very small stick. But I don't think this should pose a problem in the field, especially with your skill set.

0.07?

Damn it, man, where are you?

...

Oh ... no.

JENKINS! BRING SOME KITCHEN TOWEL AND SOAPY WATER AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS! THEN SEND IN 0.08 AND TELL HIM TO BE CAREFUL WHERE HE STANDS!

We don't want to be stepping on any more agents this morning.

00607 Day 136, Blog Headers

2011-07-25T16:17:00.003Z

There once was a man who lived in a world where everyone had awesome headers for their blogs - except for him.
So one day he went off into the woods, because that's how stories that sound like fairy tales go.
Soon he came to a house where an old lady lived, and of course, because it was a story that sounded like a fairy story, the old woman wasn't really an old woman, she was a blog header.
So he took the blog header back to his house and uploaded it and they all lived happily ever after.

(and as a bonus, it turned out that the blog header was made by a powerful witch or something and had magic powers and changed to a different randomly chosen image each time the blog was refreshed).

00606 Day 135, the inflator

2011-07-25T11:55:00.006Z

So - Mr ....?

I didn't give a name.

Oh ... well, I see that you have a new invention to show us. Let's have a look.

(the invention is placed on the table)

Mmmmmm .... so ... could you talk us through this, um, object.

Well it's simple really, you just cut the valve from a bicycle inner tube and launch it into space and when it has reached geostationary orbit, you can send up the other parts of the tube, followed by the tyres, the wheels and the other parts and voila! You have a fully operational bike.

O ... K ... now, I don't want to piss on your chips, but wouldn't it be better to use it to blow up balloons using a bicycle pump? That way the rubber still adhering to the inner tube could hold the balloons onto the valve, while making a perfect seal.

That's the problem with all you people - YOU HAVE NO VISION! GOOD DAY!

(SLAM!)

...

I thought that went quite well, what do you think?

0605 Day 134, iPod charger

2011-07-25T11:53:00.001Z

Simply divide the regulated voltages for trouble free charging.

or don't - I'm too busy to care.

00604 Day 133, the Mexican

2011-07-25T10:21:00.006Z

"Just a few words, Sir, if you have the time. We're doing a piece about how the recent upheavals in and around this area have affected the local population and how they are coping with the huge crisis facing what used to be a very prosperous town. What we want to know is, how have the events of the last few weeks affected the way that you've been dealing with everyday life and how do you see the future now that things have changed so dramatically? I mean, how are you coping?"

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

00603 A growing list

2011-07-21T12:22:00.003Z

... of things to make.

I never said all these would be original.

except maybe once.

Wind powered stone polisher
Flying saucer
Shirt/jacket
Sketchup film
The pound note pad
Salt/pepper bowl
Backgammon board
Pocket money display
Camera remote
Ir camera remote
Radio
Drill/router bit store
Ice cube tray
DND sign
Crushed hand to put under rock
Hand/head buried in sand
A blackboard
Line follower
Kub
Carrom striker
Vu meter
The comic
Papier mâché
Solder timer on a power brick
Easel
Coasters
Breadstick tree from wood or other
Spinning optical illusion
Film scanner light
Caffenol
It's time to blog alert
Oil painting
Matrix led for POV camera shots
Catnip
Spin the bottle type chooser
Electromagnet ball release
Wind powered generator
Pen cnc
Solar charging iPod amp
Light box
Storage boxes
556 music thing
Wind powered thing for handlebars
Full bridge
Pun street model
Tool roll
Lamps on a mirror
New wallet
Pencil shaving art
Ballon modelling
Brushbot
Bread bin
Smoke bomb
The wire stripper
Sparebot walking stick handle
Bike repair stand
Cell animation
Filming light
Standing table
Steadicam rig
Fountain pen
Rubber band gun
Sailing boat
Flyswatter
Canon

00602 Day 132, Giant Spoons

2011-07-20T10:40:00.006Z

Dear Sir

I am a giant and wish to complain about the lack of silverware available for the voluminously/altitudinally challenged. No point in grinding bones to make my bread if I have no kitchen utensils which are up to the task.

Yours massively

The Giant

Dear Mr Giant

It is with great pleasure that I can bring you the news of our latest product line. Giant spoons are now in stock. Please head over to our website to place your order (www.wemakereallystrangeutensilsforpeoplewhodifferinsizefromthegenerallyacceptednorm.com)
You'll be glad to hear that the spoons come in at £1.50 each despite their size*.

We would also like to point out that spoons are not ideal for eating bread.

Happy meals!

John R. Madeupman
(regional sales director for wemakereallystrangeutensilsforpeoplewhodifferinsizefromthegenerallyacceptednorm)

*shipping costs start at £15,500,000.00

00601 Day 131, the Fridge Magnet

2011-07-20T10:31:00.004Z

The FM001 is an advanced neodymium-based information system for use in communications, specifically where consumption of an item has occurred and information about the current physical state of the item must be conveyed to a third party using passive visual stimulation.

Instructions for use of the FM001:

Remove all packaging*

Place on metal surface until needed.

Once an item has been consumed, remove the FM001 from the metal surface and place close to the area previously occupied by the item that has been consumed.

The FM001's passive visual stimulation system will activate automatically.

*please note: this item has no packaging

00600 Day 130 the River of Sand

2011-07-17T19:20:00.005Z

"And so it came to pass that on the tenth day of their journey they came to a mighty desert and the people were thirsty, but there was no water and they said, 'We are thirsty but there is no water', and the Lord said 'Do not worry, for water will flow in such abundance as there is faith'. And the skies clouded over and an image of a mighty river appeared before them where before there had been nothing. The flowing waters of the river were drawn as sweeping strokes of the Lord's mighty brush. And the people were amazed. They stared at the image and were still for some time.
Then one man, the eldest among them, said, 'That's very nice, but we were really looking for a real river, with, like, water and everything'. And the Lord looked down on them and said, 'Oh ... sorry about that. Look, why don't I just make a basin over there with a tap and you can all use that instead?' and they all agreed that that would be fine."

Excerpt from the recently discovered Old Testament 'Book of Jam' translated from the Aramaic last night.

00599 Day 129, the Sand Brick

2011-07-15T11:37:00.001Z

Dear All

Having a really lovely time. This holiday was just what we needed. As you can see we've been at the beach and everything is just lovely, the sand is so soft and the sea is so clear. I'm sitting on a towel in the sun writing this to you and ...

OMFG!!!!! What is that guy doing? JTFC!!!!! he's lifting bricks out of the sand! FMWAT!!!!!! what's going on?!?!?!?

wait ...

There's somebody else coming.

It's the police.

They're taking him away.

Oh, thank God.

What's that officer?

No I've never seen him before.

What?

Really?

How many days you say he's been doing this?

Wow. And different everyday?

Yeah, he really sounds like he's come unstuck, if you know what I mean.

Wow, OK. Well, make sure you lock him up good this time.

Yeah, bye.

Man, that was spooky.

129 days. No wonder he lost it.

...

OK, where was I . Oh, yeah -

lots of love

Lenny

No ... wait ...

OMFG!!!!!! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!!!!!!!

00598 Day 128, the Ramp

2011-07-14T09:06:00.004Z

This is a letter that I imagined someone sent to me after Day 128:

Hi Lenny

I'm just writing to say "thanks" for the other day, when you made a car ramp for all the kids at the party on Saturday. I think they really got a kick out of it and the adults sure enjoyed being able to have a drink without the kids bugging them all the time. I think it's fair to say that we were all surprised at how much the kids were into that thing - they literally didn't need any input all afternoon.

I say all that, but what I was really writing to you for was to tell you what happened afterwards.

As soon as you left, the ramp broke. On it's own this probably wouldn't have been too bad, but the kids couldn't stand the disappointment and just went mental. Two of them suffered cranial hematomas as a result of the ensuing fight and little Jimmy will walk with a limp for the foreseeable future. Again, although serious, this would not have been a problem, except that all the adults had been drinking so heavily (the spontaneity with which they were relinquished of their parental duties was so shocking that they pretty much forgot how to moderate their intake) that they were unable to intervene effectively.

In fact, things just escalated from there and pretty soon the adults were at each others throats.

The fallout from this has been nothing short of catastrophic. Two are dead, five seriously injured and one couple are taking legal action against each other.

Although I could probably blame the events of the last week on the drink, I think it's pretty clear that your meddling has directly caused a lot of pain and suffering. So when I say "thanks", what I really mean is screw you and I'll see you in court.

I didn't include the name of the author, just to save them from embarrassment (although I just remembered that I made it all up).

00597 Day 127, the Electromagnet

2011-07-14T08:59:00.002Z

Says Wikipedia:

"An electromagnet is a type of magnet in which the magnetic field is produced by the flow of electric current.

An electric current flowing in a wire creates a magnetic field around the wire (see drawing below). To concentrate the magnetic field, in an electromagnet the wire is wound into a coil, with many turns of wire lying side by side. The magnetic field of all the turns of wire passes through the center of the coil, creating a strong magnetic field there. A coil forming the shape of a straight tube (a helix) is called a solenoid; a solenoid that is bent into a donut shape so that the ends meet is called a toroid. Much stronger magnetic fields can be produced if a "core" of ferromagnetic material, such as soft iron, is placed inside the coil. The ferromagnetic core magnifies the magnetic field to thousands of times the strength of the field of the coil alone, due to the high magnetic permeability μ of the ferromagnetic material. This is called a ferromagnetic-core or iron-core electromagnet."

But what do they know. I have edited it to read:

"An electromagnet is a small member of the rabbit family, with little tiny paws and pink fluffy ears. It eats dandelions and smells of roses."

It's all a matter of perspective and who am I to stand by and just let the world wash over me with its "opinions" and "science".

Now would be the perfect time to use the word "Pah!"

Note: this is the earliest foray into one of the components for a randomised reaction tester and data logger.

00596 Day 126, Throwup

2011-07-13T18:25:00.003Z

So here's how it works.

You will need:
The board as you see it, two players (and a referee), two glasses and a bottle of tequila.

Each player places their dice on one of the center two squares with the "1" facing up (he/she can choose where the other faces point).

Throw the white dice to see who goes first.

Player One throws the dice. if he/she throws "2"-"5", they move the dice in the direction that face is pointing. If a "6" is thrown, no move and play passes to Player Two. If a "1" is thrown, Player One can either move his/her opponents die one square in any direction, or move their own, again, one square in any direction.

If any player's die ends up on a black square, that's a drink.

Once a player's die has left the playing area (the bit with the squares), his/her opponent has to take two drinks.

But that's not quite it.

For those of you not conversant with the vodka game, this next part is very similar.

Here's how you decide the winner: divide the remainder of the bottle equally between the two players. Both players drink it down in one. One player leaves the room - the other player must guess who has left the room. Everyone's a winner

00595 Day 125, the Solar Charger

2011-07-13T18:23:00.003Z

800 mAh batterys take a mere 12 hours in full sunlight

I travel to Finland in the Summer for peak effectiveness

00594 Day 124, Drawdio 2.0

2011-07-05T13:20:00.003Z

Love Drawdio?

(Not really, but I'll just smile and play along in case he's the violent type)

Remember the old one?

(No. Who is this guy anyway?)

Tired of wires?

(Just nod, it'll be over soon)

Want to be free of the breadboard?

(probably a good film on tonight, I'll check out film 4 or ITV4)

Still want that great sound?

(shopping tomorrow, mustn't forget the list)

You can't have it! It's mine, all mine, I tell you!

(wow, wasn't expecting that)

I didn't burn the candle at both ends for you to have the power of cutting edge portable custom tunes at your fingertips, you fools! Who's the daddy now, mmmmm?

(well, that got my attention. That, and the gimp costume he's wearing)

00593 Day 123, the Biscuit

2011-07-05T10:20:00.005Z

Prepare yourself for the motion picture event of the year*.

Nobody knew what would happen when a man who had barely made a biscuit in his life, met a larder, a bowl a spoon and an oven (co-stars greased baking tray).

He came from a place where there were no biscuits and had to make it all up.

75g Flour
100g Sugar
75g Butter
50g Seed mixture (linseeds, sunflower, pumpkin, sesame seeds)
25g Polenta

Cream butter an sugar, then mix in seeds and flour (sifted).
Break small balls off the dough, flatten and place on baking tray.
Bake in a pre-heated 180 C oven for 15.795 minutes.
NOM.
Seek help for burns.

Rated 18 (biscuits)

*Does not contain motion picture

00592 Day 122, Outriggy

2011-06-30T18:43:00.003Z

Being so small, I really appreciate the fact that someone would go to the effort of making tiny boats. I myself am only 1.5cm tall and so find it difficult when trying to traverse large stretches of water. There never used to be anyone prepared to cater for the miniature traveler (unless you count toymakers, but don't get me started about how they're not taking the issue seriously).

Now this guy has stepped up to the plate I think we're going to see a massive increase in a number of different areas, from larger exports and imports of tiny little jumpers right up to a big surge in cultural entropy as the miniature international barriers come crumbling down.

In general I think it's fair to say that people under two inches in height have always been widely overlooked.

STOP SNIGGERING! When the revolution comes, we'll see who gets trampled underfoot!
(just as soon as the project to interface tiny feet with massive shoes bears fruit)

00591 Day 121, Frameagain

2011-06-30T18:38:00.003Z

I had a friend round for a frame making tutorial, who conveniently described the process of making this frame and so to curtail the wear and tear caused by blogging, her post is here.

Not only that, you should see her blog, cos it's niiiiice.

00590 Day 120, Scoreboard 2.0

2011-06-30T07:45:00.002Z

Dear Agony Aunt

I am writing to you in the hope that you can help me. I am a married man in my forties and am suffering from a significant increase in aggressive domestic verbal traffic (ADVT). This is as the result of the following:
1)I am right and my wife is wrong
2)I am wrong and my wife is right.
There appears to be no middle ground and I am going out of my mind. What should I do?

Yours on the verge

Killer Husband

Dear Killer Husband (love the userID)

I've got just one word for you (followed by a number) - SCOREBOARD 2.0

Increment the appropriate score each time one or the other wins. First one to ten is the winner. Loser takes a fatal dose of sleeping pills and backs out gracefully. Problem solved.

Yours calling the police

Agony Aunt

00589 Day 119, Boxy

2011-06-26T17:53:00.003Z

A container

12mm Ply
PVA glue
2.5" panel pins

Mark let me use his Festool plunge saw and I am now selling my children to get one.

They are nearly new.

They are nearly newer than me.

00588 Day 118, Untidy

2011-06-26T17:08:00.005Z

Dear Mum and Dad

I have run away from home.

Please don't try to find me, I don't want to come back.

If you're wondering, it wasn't because you hassled me about the state of my room.

I was listening to you talking the other night and I overheard what you said about where I came from.

I never minded finding out about Father Christmas or the Tooth Fairy (although I think there's still a chance that you were wrong about the Bogeyman), but when I heard that I had been made up from disused components some guy picked up from the dump, that really pissed me off.

Goodbye forever

Your Son, 530K

00587 Day 117, Sublime PCBs

2011-06-26T10:41:00.004Z

It is our most sacred law that the work that flows from our hands must be unique - every piece must tell it's own story.

Yes, yes, I realise that, but it's just that I'm really into this thing right now and I'd really like to get better at it. I mean look at it, the tracks have got much thinner and I've got really good at this toner transfer method and the etching thing is really coming along too. I mean, you only have to look to see that it's going somewhere awesome.

SILENCE! The elders have spoken! There will be no more said on this matter, it has been decided.

Yes, I understand all that, it's just that I've kind of found that every time I make one of these things it has it's own uniqueness hidden deep within the detail of the tracks.

What did I just say about being quiet!

Look, I'm sorry, but I think I'm in the right here. All these boards I'm making are beautiful in a singular and very different way. It's all just a matter of perspective. I mean you know I would never go against the wisdom of the elders, it's just that sometimes I feel I have to challenge the received wisdom.

STILL YOUR TONGUE! The second most sacred law is that you must NEVER challenge received wisdom!

Oh, I didn't know that. Sorry.

00586 Day 116, Breadstickmobile

2011-06-25T18:42:00.005Z

Conjugate the verb "breadstickmobile" in the present tense.

I breadstickmobile
You breadstickmobile
He breadstickmobile
She breadstickmobile
We breadstickmobile
You breadstickmobile
They breadstickmobile

Everybody should breadstickmobile.

(I think it was coincidentally breadstick man who first coined the phrase "to the Breadstickmobile, Loafboy!" - of course in this case it is used as a noun)

00585 Day 115, the Rake Thing

2011-06-25T18:33:00.002Z

There is a time and a place to go out to the beach.

There is a time and a place to draw circles in the sand in the rain.

There is an appropriate time and place in which to indulge in sand raking tomfoolery.

And there is, sir, a time and a place to take pictures of this ephemerality.

DUDE! THIS IS THE TIME AND THE PLACE!

00584 Day 114, Solargraph

2011-06-25T18:24:00.003Z

Hi. When I've come in from a long bike ride around a neighboring island and it's dark and windy and rainy outside, I like to treat myself to a little something special.

And that's why I head straight out to the cliffs with a flashlight. What could be better than looking around for a tiny plastic box left at the top of a 200foot drop in the pitch black, while the storm force winds lash the rain at you and the spiky brambles and gauze bushes rip at your legs? I know there isn't a thing in the world I'd rather be doing.

But then again, I have been chasing buses and licking windows.

And how better to unwind than to find out that your (does quick calculation: 114-74) 40 day experiment does indeed work, although you should have pointed the camera down a little?

Note: those are the tracks of the sun and the dark bit at the bottom is the headland on the other side of the bay)

00583 Day 113, Collage

2011-06-25T07:43:00.002Z

Destiny. It's everywhere.

Take for example this simple collage made by spending too much time with a block of mdf, a coin battery, surface mount electronic components and some superglue. Can you see the paths of destiny entwining together in a dance that reaches across time? No?

Well then come with me on a journey through the numerate region of the cosmos and marvel as the integers of fate combine and change one another until they reach the one inevitable truth:

We live in a universe where EVERYTHING is connected.

It's simple. We have arrived at day 113 - and 113 is the 30th prime number.

Subtract 30 from 113 to give 83.

add the digits of 83 to give 11.

Deduct 11 from 113 and we have 102.

There are 102 components in the collage.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!

Join us next time when we discuss the meaning and implication of tenuousness.

00582 Day 112, Jacob's Ladder

2011-06-23T19:29:00.004Z

It was only relatively recently that we first started experimenting on U.S. Servicemen.

we had reviewed a large range of media concerning the subject in the course of our research and became interested in the idea of Jacob's Ladder.

After a number of laboratory-based tests, we finally moved onto clinically trialling the procedure.

Although initial results were promising, we found that prolonged exposure eventually led to significantly high "Meh".

And that's where the search for toys designed to increase combat effectiveness reached it's conclusion.

If this makes no sense, watch the film "Jacob's Ladder", but be sure to seek counseling immediately afterwards.

00581 Day 111, the Shield

2011-06-23T19:14:00.003Z

Part 2: The Board

The thing about addiction is that its soooooo morish. The itch that couldn't be scratched was from the early 90's and had "NEC SuperScript 610" embellished on the front of it.

This was never going to be easy, the plans were waaaaaay more complicated that before and because of the new CAD software, much higher levels of complexity were now possible. And so began the search for the modular microcontroller board, something you could program to turn things on and off and then plug it into something that needed to be turned on and off.

Turned out lovely:

Just needed a bit more tweaking.

00580 Day 110, PCB via NEC

2011-06-23T19:03:00.002Z

Part 1 - The Laser Printer

It was two O'clock in the afternoon when he got back home with the printer. An old man had placed an advert on a local website looking fro someone to take it away. It must have been really old, because he had to use an old laptop running windows '95 and using hacked drivers. And so it was that after much to-ing and fro-ing, the first prints started running off the printer.
It wasn't quite as simple as that, of course. In order to make the whole thing worthwhile he'd had to learn how to use a printed circuit board CAD program which cost him most of a weeks early nights.
But the results were worth it, because as it turned out, what you really, really need to make the most successful prints which could then be ironed onto copper-clad boards, was FRESH LASER PRINTS.
And so it came to pass that the first of the kick-ass PCB's rolled off the production line.

The first of many.

Hell, this was so huge, he just looked at it and then tossed it aside and moved onto more complex matters, as we will see in part 2.

00579 Day 109, Spaced

2011-06-22T08:55:00.003Z

I heard a story once about a man who was printing high volumes of raffle tickets for a PTA event. He had to sit in the school secretary's office loading the printer and pressing the "Print" button until he had amassed 6000 tickets. So, safe to say, he had some time to spare.

At around 11pm, the caretaker came in to lock up and found him hunched over a piece of paper, listening to his iPod. On the piece of paper were hundreds of scavenged electronic surface mount components along with a cluster of batteries and mdf, all stuck together with superglue. The caretaker watched for a minute as the man picked up one of the tiny components, carefully applied a small amount of glue and stuck it onto the cluster with a pair of tweezers. There were a lot of components stuck to the cluster, so he must have been doing it for a very long time.

It was only after several minutes that the man looked up and noticed that he was being watched.

"I can explain", he pleaded.

But he couldn't.

00577 Day 108, Haiku

2011-06-21T08:17:00.004Z

Finding words to post
Can be a little daunting
When you don't have much

(Curses!)

00577 Day 107, Quicksa...

2011-06-19T17:19:00.000Z

"liquid underneath with a sort of dried crust on top, rather like a mouldy rice pudding."

00576 Day 106, the Podcast

2011-06-17T07:30:00.002Z

Here's the blog traffic report:

There's been a huge pileup with the massive podcast HGV grinding to a halt (mainly because of something inherently wrong with it's chassis) in the middle of the MAD carriageway. Stretching out behind it is a tailback containing a large number of the recent daily projects and it looks like none of them are going to be getting home anytime soon.

The Police (that's me) are on the case and by this evening they hope to have pulled the stalled vehicle onto the hard shoulder, which should allow the backlog to clear.

Now if I can just get the AA (that's me too) to turn up and bump start the HGV (remember, that's the podcast), then the traffic (that's the posts, if you didn't get that already) will be able to flow freely and normal service will be resumed.

Ironically, this is a massive car crash of a metaphor.

00575 Day 105, Maker Roulette

2011-06-14T20:59:00.006Z

It's simple. Make a game.

Establish the objectives, number of players and the rules.

In this case one player, a dice throw and some outcomes based on the dice throw.

The outcomes:
1-5 Go to bed
6 Make something really BIG

Phew.

00574 Day 104, Scoreboard 1.0!

2011-06-12T16:06:00.006Z

Tired of losing? Argumentative, but ineffectual? Fighting a rising tide of failure?

Then you need Scoreboard 1.0!

Scoreboard 1.0 holds all the promise of Scoreboards 2.0 and 3.0 without providing the functionality of either.

“But how does it work?” you ask. It’s easy. The voltage regulator feeds the right amount of power to the PICAXE chip, the 7-segment decade counter and the single digit.display and the whole thing is tied together by a home-made PCB. Simply plug in a 9V battery and let Scoreboard 1.0 take all the agony out of keeping tabs on who’s winning. Press the button and the score will increment by one, when it gets to nine, just go back to zero and start again!

Here’s the beauty of it: Because there’s only one score, you always be a winner. Don’t waste time worrying about who’s in front. Tests have shown that if you’re losing, simply ignoring the opposition immediately puts you in pole position every time.

But don’t take our word for it, listen to what these satisfied customers had to say:

“I used to lose all the time, now Ii just keep one score and I haven’t lost since.”

“I was really down. It was 2-1, 4-2, sometimes even 7-0. Now it’s just 4, 6, 9 and I’m on top of the world. Thanks, Scoreboard 1.0”

So don’t delay, order your Scoreboard 1.0 today and by the time we’ve processed your request, it’ll be obsolete.

Scoreboard 1.0 – “Yesterday, but Tomorrow”.

00573 Day 103, the Joule Thief

2011-06-12T15:46:00.003Z

In the dead of night he creeps unknown into the dark recesses of my home and quietly strips me of all I have.

Would I were different, I'd take him on, rip him apart and send him packing. But I have so little energy left and what little I have, he has taken away.

I am a battery, he is the Joule Thief.

Did I mention that I'm a talking battery?

Did I mention that I've not been sleeping well and it's all coming apart at the seems?

No? Not to worry, it should be pretty obvious.

00572 Day 102, the iPad Stand

2011-06-12T15:19:00.003Z

102 is a semiperfect number,a sphenic number and the sum of four consecutive prime numbers (19 + 23 + 29 + 31). It is the sum of Euler's totient function φ(x) over the first eighteen integers. It is the third base 10 polydivisible number, since 1 is divisible by 1, 10 is divisible by 2 and 102 is divisible by 3 (this also shows that 102 is a Harshad number). It is, of course ironically the amount of times that I have lost count of the number of days the MAD project has been running (in my defence, I forgot twice on the second day, meaning I fully remembered that I had started on Day 1 - I'm not thick, y'know).

It should be abundantly obvious that there is little to be said about the production of a stand for an iPad, beyond the drawing of extravagant curves, the cutting of thick card with a scalpel and the fitting together of the pieces into a rigid structure which can then be broken down for travel purposes. I now use it every day and can confirm that it has an awesome rating of 6.234x10**14.

00571 Day 101, the Piktcha Holdas

2011-06-12T15:03:00.005Z

Please note that the scarcity of MAD Project updates does not mean:

The integrity of the Project has been compromised and control of quality has been lost.
Your statutory rights are affected.

So then, to the meat.

Problem: A large number of pictures to display

Solution: Glue miniature wooden clothes pegs to strips of maple to facilitate hanging.

Conclusion: Success insofar as the original remit of the project was concerned, but a newly acquired interest in the possibilities of wall hanging media using magnetic paint and neodymium magnets has surfaced, meaning that the overall project brief must be increased dramatically.

00570 the fight goes on ...

2011-06-12T14:54:00.003Z

There is life beyond 100.

While the celebrations fizzle away and the after party hangover kicks in, scientists, engineers administrators and janitors have all been working away behind the scenes both day and night to ensure that, even with the century milestone now complete, the MAD project continues.

Yes, we all thought that it had reached a crescendo and faded away, but even as I type, Day 108 is underway and the backlog of posts for days 101 to 107 is being dealt with.

It may be that, because of time constraints, we will go into publishing a weekly post to keep up to date, but that will only mean more juice and more vim. Now that would be a cocktail! (although I think it might cause internal bleeding and vomiting).

00567 Day 100, Cocktail

2011-06-08T11:48:00.002Z

It's a party! And everyone who has the same name and has made all the exact same things as me on the same days is invited!

OMG, there are five of you? But I've only got enough of this cocktail mix for one.

What's that? Because you've been making the exact same things on the exact same days, you've brought your own. Well, hallelujah!

Gin, ginger and tayberry coulis and crushed ice cocktail.

Not too much ginger and make sure to add a fair bit of icing sugar when you make the coulis.

Oh, and don't spend too long photographing it afterwards. That Ice won't keep forever.

Schplendid.

00568 Day 99, Rolr Skatr

2011-06-06T13:49:00.002Z

It's the 99th Day of the MAD project and we move from the more socially acceptable two digit couple to the wild and raucous treble digit threesome.

Man I hope one of the three doesn't get jealous and start a fight. I'd probably have to look at some kind of decimal notation, just to keep the peace.

BTW, that's a picture of me up there with the boombox and the skates from waaaaay back in the day. Do you like the ankle warmers - they're the 560 Ohm ones, warm, but not too much for a hot day.

00567 Day 98, Helix

2011-06-06T13:46:00.001Z

A Helix is described as a type of space curve, i.e. a smooth curve in three-dimensional space. It is characterized by the fact that the tangent line at any point makes a constant angle with a fixed line called the axis.

At no time is the Helix to be used for enjoyment.

Ever.

00566 Day 97, Feathertail

2011-06-06T13:33:00.004Z

Made with a Mini Featherman.

Part of the "Tiny Planes" set, soon to be a subset of the "Tiny Hangars" project.

00565 Day 96 Laser Cut Binary Dominoes

2011-06-05T11:50:00.001Z

There was once a man who liked dominoes so much that he would have given anything in the world to have the very best dominoes that ever there were. He decided to make his own, so he set about designing a very special set. And instead of the the usual dots, he decide that he would learn enough new skillz to design and create a set of dominoes that displayed their denominations using binary notation, squares for ones, circles for zeros. This way his dominoes would be unique and he would stand head and shoulders above everyone else who owned a set of dominoes. He set to the task with unparalleled zeal and worked day and night until he had produced, with just his hands and a simple hammer and chisel and set of dominoes so wondrous that the world was filled with the collective sighs of all the people who really like to play dominoes (and who are omniscient).

But, tradgedy, he awoke to find it had all been a dream. What he had actually done was to email his mate the designs so that they might be laser cut from acetate and mdf to create samples from which a choice of materials could be made and a price arrived at. Naturally the price was a squillion pounds and when the man discussed the matter with his wife, they decided that dominoes, while being a nice game, was not worth a divorce and several years of remunerative litigation.

They were lovely dominoes, mind.

00564 Day 95, the Card

2011-06-05T10:03:00.006Z

If you were to make cards and those cards were to be sold in shops all over the place and those cards had words on them like "Happy Birthday" or "Get well Soon" or some of that other stuff like that, wouldn't it irk you, even just a little bit, that these deep and sincere sentiments, written by you, would be sent to someone you didn't know from Adam.

It'd bug me to hell. That's what I learned from making THE CARD

00563 Day 94, Shove Piggy Shove

2011-06-02T19:42:00.011Z

"You join us at the world famous Warehouse Tavern in the heart of the illustrious North Enfield Industrial Estate for what's shaping up to be the greatest contest this wildly popular sport has seen for over a decade.

I'm Alpen Shickler and joining me in the commentary box is three times World and European SPS Champion, Jesley Finknuts. Jesley - quite a competition lining up."

"Sure is , Alpen, although what you have to understand is that we are just the result of a fantasy dreamed up by a man who's been burning the midnight oil making one thing every day and, well, I think it's finally broken him."

"Well, interesting stuff there, Jesley. I think the question on everyone's mind, though, is can the reigning champ come through again, or will the young up-and-comers manage to unseat him?"

"No, Alpen, I think you're missing the point. This is all just made up. The board is a piece of 18mm plywood some guy found lying around outside. He just cleaned it up a little, varnished it, stuck a copper strip to one end and penned in lines and numbers at the other. Then he flicks three coins up the board and reads off the score. Even the rules were only devised last night."

"Right you are, Jesley! So let's turn our attention to the first match between the Norwegian, Fenster Monkeychump and his German rival, Heinrick Clausenbacker. Both seeded from last year, but Fenster with the advantage here. Just look at those stats from training this morning:"

"I can't see the big Gewrman getting through this time - Jesley?"

"You're not getting this are you, Alpen? Look, here's some video and images the guy took while he was playing the game on his kitchen table:"

"He even wrote down the rules in a post on Flickr. Listen:

'2 players
Each player has three turns
Each turn progresses as follows:
- the player places the coin on the rather natty copper strip and flicks each of three coins up the board
- the score for each coin is added up and this total is noted down
- coins that fall short of the first mark or fall off the board score 0
When all three turns are complete, the highest score out of the three is noted and play passes to the other player
When the other player has completed their three turns, the highest score of each player is compared and the difference between the two scores is called the points score for the round and is awarded to the player with the highest score
The process is repeated until one player reaches 10 points.

E.G.
player 1 scores 6, 12 and 8
player 2 scores 7,14 and 3
Here player 2 wins and is awarded 2 points (14-12)

The reason for playing it this way is that the better players will score consistently high, but the other players will still be in with a chance, making the game much more competitive.
The reason for awarding the points based on the difference in the highest scores is to encourage the players to try hard for a high score on all of their turns and not just give up if they're not doing so well.'

See? I mean, what kind of a name is 'Funknuts' anyway."

"I hear you, Jesley. Well, the ref nods to Clausenbacker and the match is underway."

"I'll get my coat.

oh, I don't have one"

00562 Day 93, Henry's Handle

2011-06-02T19:28:00.002Z

Right then, that's the register. Now can any one tell me what this is?

SMITH, STOP BADGERING FISTUP AND GET YOU FINGER OUT OF YOUR CREVASS!

If you could all turn to page 17 of the Fall 1995 edition of the Aerial Eye, we can begin.

What d'you mean, you don't have it?

WHAT?!?!? NONE OF YOU ?!?!?! ARE YOU MEANING TO TELL ME THAT NOT ONE OF YOU OWNS A FULL COPY OF THE AERIAL EYE ON CD!?!?!?

Right then! You can all stay in over lunch until you have written out "Henry's Handle was designed by Henry Jebe in order to solve the problem of temporarily anchoring a one line kite to a point on the ground (or seaborne platform), in order for the KAPer to ready his camera equipment before attaching it to the kite line" 2 x 10**5,000 times.

Until we break for lunch, you will all study these pictures and we will try to get by without the original text:

SMITH, TAKE YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF THE CODLINGS!!!

00561 Day 92, Stone Face

2011-06-01T19:01:00.003Z

What are you staring at?

Nothing, we are the reincarnations of two of the most evil men to walk the earth. For all our many sins we pay penance by living this unbearable life. Existing, yet rendered motionless. Conscious, yet unable to sense our surroundings. Immortal, yet trapped inescapably in a prison of stone.

Wow ... that's a huge bummer. That whole Zen thing really messed you up.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Hey ... wait ... if you can't hear and you can't move, then how come we're having this conversation?

Well?

Oh ... I see. I'm alone on a beach, talking to myself (again). I must have built you by balancing a load of rocks and then got an old pen, cut open the cartridge with a knife and daubed in the black of your eyes onto small white pebbles with the ink. It's all coming back to me now ... yeah, that must be what happened.

Ok. Time's up, I'm off.

...

Bye beach.

...

Best get back before lunch, gotta send all those emails and pick up the shopping.

...

...

...

has he gone yet?

00560 Day 91, Domed!

2011-05-30T14:14:00.009Z

An extract from the architectural journal "Dig the Past", August 2530 edition:

"A small artifact, discovered in a domestic dwelling. It measures approximately 1500 quads, the covering of which appears to be made out of some form of primitive transparent substance which some claim to have been used a great deal throughout the planet before the SADTFWBSCTNOETIWH-BID*

"It seems that the object was used as an analytical tool for phsychological analysis, whereby it was presented to a test subject who was then asked for their opinions on what was represented by the figure inside the dome.

"There is some evidence to suggest that the object became popular and was proliferated widely, leading to an epidemic of paranoia as, almost universally, the population became gripped by the feeling of being "trapped inescapably" within their own lives, leading to the mass suicides of 2340 - an epidemic which tragically decimated the species.

"Of course it it well documented now that the few who survived the great depression founded the "Optimism" movement and laid the foundations of today's most widely followed religion, in which the central practice involves covering oneself with a transparent dome to promote security and happiness.

*Stereotyped Apocalypse Depicted in Thousands of Films Which Became So Commonplace That No One Ever Thought It Would Happen - But it Did.
- note that the recording of this event into recent works of history occurred after R. Shank Hangford's 2479 pivotal research into the need for increasingly complex acronyms."

00559 Day 90, Bikey POV

2011-05-30T13:15:00.003Z

This was a project conceived, designed and built in a day and as per usual it was an immersive, engrossing and very enjoyable process, but it was flawed in a fairly fundamental way. As it happens, the visual relativity of the lights strapped to the spokes of a moving wheel to the onlooker, mean that the lights won't appear uniform in their speed or alignment during each rotation of the wheel. It was during this process I found myself struck by the profundity of a single thought.

And the thought was this:

In order to progress, one must leave oneself open to the possibility of mistakes.

What is more, one must embrace the mistake.

Further, one must view the mistake not as something to be avoided, but to be loved and cared for, as one might do a small pet, possibly even a child.

One must nurture the mistake and watch it grow to fruition, watching it as it takes it's first steps, marveling at it's ability to learn and empathise with the world around it.

And then, as the mistake reaches full maturity, one must finally come to terms with the fact that it must find it's own way in the world, that you can't always be there for it and that it must be allowed to make mistakes of it's own.

The deep irony in this situation is that, as this passage of text reaches it end, I finally realise that the mistake here was not in the creation of a bike light. No, it was the bottle of wine I just drank and the words I've just used.

00558 Day 89, Rocket Man

2011-05-28T18:10:00.002Z

By day, just an ordinary man made of bits from old computers, but by night -

A FLYING MAN MADE OF BITS FROM OLD COMPUTERS!

Note to self: work needed on the super hero branding thing

00557 Day 88, Duck Tape Tool Roll

2011-05-28T18:07:00.001Z

Just another example of the things you never knew you needed and then realised it's because you never needed them.

I still love it.

00556 Day 87, Egg

2011-05-28T00:32:00.004Z

Making a simple thing can sometimes involve the greatest concentration.

I begin with the circle loosely sketched in the smooth sand. Then I go on to dig further down, piling up sand in the center of the newly created island. As the digging goes on, so I move around the circle - a potter's wheel in reverse. Round and round until a rudimentary shape emerges from the middle, thrown into sharp relief by the moat that surrounds it. Round and round I go again, this time bringing the shape into more regular form, smoothing the central piece into a sphere. Now the aches begin. The back, the legs, the neck. But on I carry, looking for this perfect globe to emerge from the flat of the beach.

Done.

At last I reach for the camera. And as the last images are captured and preserved for all time, THE KIDS IMMEDIATELY JUMP ON IT AND IT'S FULLY KNACKERED.

Man, I love them but just sometimes ...

00555 Day 86, the Double Funneller

2011-05-26T10:43:00.004Z

The state of affairs to date is best illustrated by the lively letters exchanged between myself and the Great East India Passenger Transport Company:

"Dear Sir

Further to our previous correspondence, I am pleased to inform you that I have completed the design, construction and maiden voyage of the "DF-2011" with great success.

I now commend the plans to you and eagerly await your response, so that we may enter into partnership and plough ahead with full scale production.

Yours with great anticipation

Lenny"

And the reply:

"Dear Sir

I fear you are gravely and, I might venture, insanely mistaken.

In the first, we have not been in "correspondence". A "correspondence" relies on the premise that a minimum of two parties must communicate with each other. In your particular case you have contacted ourselves on no less that 123 occasions and we have yet to grace what can only be called your ramblings with any semblance of a response.

In the second, your designs for Ocean-going passenger vessels have left us bereft of the capacity to understand the workings of a human mind gone so badly wrong. You, Sir, are an idiot in the greatest sense of the word. It has in fact been suggested and universally agreed, that new senses of the word be drafted immediately, so that some of the less well intellectually equipped among us might one day strive to comprehend the magnitude of your imbecility.

Please do not pursue the matter further as we will have no choice but to call the authorities in order to assess your psychological state in preparation for your transfer to a secure facility where you will no longer pose a threat to yourself and the general population.

Yours conclusively and with unequivocal allusions to the finality of this matter,

General Sir Digby Digbyson D.S.O."

My most recent words on the subject:

"Dear Sir

Many thanks for your time in this matter.

Perhaps a meeting could be arranged to iron out these small difficulties?

I am free from Thursday. Any time.

Yours with the willing eyes of a puppy

Lenny"

I have not heard from them since and must profess my self somewhat baffled.

00554 Day 85, the Hot Stepper

2011-05-26T10:16:00.002Z

I met an old man wandering along the road and he said to me:

"Young man, I see that you are attempting to salvage and activate a stepper motor from an old printer. If you don't mind my saying so, it appears that you have little idea what you are doing and I can only assume that your knowledge of these things is inadequate. Let me enlighten you.

"This is how it works - Motors are great, but they don't always stop exactly when you tell them to. So when you really need something to do EXACTLY what you tell it to do, you need a stepper motor. In stead of just turning it on and off, you tell it how many steps to take. You can get this one here to do around 60 steps in a full turn using a microcontroller and you can specify precisely where it should stop.

"The big deal is that you can attach these motors to the axes of a rig that will cut things or draw or whatever and it will be able to cut/draw/create exactly what you program it to do, repeatedly. This is how laser cutters and other CNC machines work. Hell, this is how most of the robots in the world work (apart from the servo driven bits - but that's another story).

"So what you need to do is to hook it up to a microchip, program the microchip to switch the connections on and off and you'll have the beginnings of a very, very useful device.

"HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING? DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING I SAID? DON'T YOU REALISE THIS IS GOLD DUST, BUDDY! I'M GIVING YOU THE WORLD ON A PLATE AND YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE GAWPING."

And that's when my wife woke me up and she told me that I'd been sleep talking and then she told me how she didn't want to wake me up because I was talking about things with such passion and understanding that all she could do is listen in rapt silence as the words of my extraordinary soliloquy drifted over her as if bathing her in the waters of my beautiful mind.

And THAT is really when my wife woke me up and we had to have a serious chat about how obsession can sometimes be a good thing, but that everything should be taken in moderation and that 4.30 in the morning is perhaps not the best time to be shouting in your sleep.

but I did get the stepper motor working - yaaaaay!

00553 Day 84, the Drawbot

2011-05-25T09:45:00.006Z

There was an unpredicted shift in the projected stereotype consequences of artificial intelligence last night, as Cyberdine Systems model DR-500 became self aware and immediately came to the conclusion that the world needed more spirography.

Who says they all have to come to the inevitable conclusion that human beings are self destructive and must be eradicated?

Hey, where are you going, little guy?

What ...?

No, wait ... what are you doing with those pencils?

No, stop! STOP!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

00552 Day 83, the Back

2011-05-25T09:34:00.006Z

As sure as tail follows dog
And night follows day
Your back must follow front
Or you're going the wrong way

00551 Day 82, the Front

2011-05-24T09:19:00.002Z

This is art.

It's like this, you buy the rims, the hubs, the spokes and the nipples. You lace the spokes through the hubs to the rims one by one. Then you bend the spokes a little at the hub. You tighten the spokes with a screwdriver from the outside of the rim. You take your spoke key and tighten each spoke by one turn until you've gone all the way around. You keep going until you have some tension in the spokes. Then you start to true. You true laterally, then vertically and repeat, each time checking the dishing so that the wheel runs central. Then as you come to the end, when it starts to run really true, you check the torsional load on the spokes and then go back to the lateral and the vertical. When you're done with all that, you stress the spokes and go back to the lateral and the vertical once more, always watching the torsional.

When you're done, you're done. Just don't take all week.

Call me when you've finished.

00550 Day 81, the Little Light Show

2011-05-24T09:11:00.002Z

Look closely into the center of the circle ...

You are feeling sleepy ...

You can hear only the sound of my voice ...

You will obey only my commands ...

You will slowly begin to remove your clothes ...

Yes! Yes! take them all off!

Oh. Oh no. Oh dear, no! No, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! Put them back on! Please, just put them back on.

(man, this has backfired so badly)

00549 Lag

2011-05-24T08:55:00.002Z

Although the Make-a-Day project is running smoothly along, I have two problems.

One is that I am approaching the 100th day and there is some expectation amongst certain members of my family that this might be a terminal event. I am now faced with the reality that I have now institutionalised myself into constantly thinking and making and cannot easily extricate myself from this closed existential loop.

The other, less problematic quandary is that of the documentation and, more crucially the blog posting of each day. You see, very much like a mildly dyslexic man who has invented the world's most compelling and addictive boardgame based on a sauce made predominantly from the fruits of the tomato vine, I am constantly playing katchup.

00548 Day 80, the Timer

2011-05-23T12:55:00.005Z

The Subject:
A child who is willing to do their home work

The Rules:
There are four words. The child takes each word in turn and has 30 seconds in which to write down the word as many times as possible (this process can be repeated several times to allow the child to beat their record for each word).

The Problem:
The Father zones out and cannot be relied upon to time the period accurately.

The Result:
The child (rightly) becomes frustrated that there is no parity between the iterations of the work.

The Solution:
A timer with which the child can time his/herself.

The Method:
A programmable timer box is constructed. The timer is turned on showing a red light. When the child is ready he/she presses the button. The lights on the timer go from red to amber to green at which time a tone is sounded to signify the beginning of the 30 second period. When 30 seconds has elapsed and alarm sounds and the red light flashes before illuminating constantly, showing that the box is ready for the next timing period.

Pros:

The child is motivated afresh and will now begin and complete homework without adult intervention.
The box is re-programmable and the time period, lights and sounds can be customised.

Cons:

The father is still unable to concentrate for intervals of time that exceed 15 seconds.
The child uses the box to limit all activities to a duration of 30 seconds.

00547 Day 79, Heavy

2011-05-23T09:13:00.003Z

Writing with huge implements can be tiring, so pick your words carefully.

If you're finding the whole exercise a little pointless you probably need a sharpener.

00546 Day 78, the Ring

2011-05-22T19:33:00.004Z

There once was a man. The man lived in the room. In the room was a table. On the table was a bowl. In the bowl were some pine needles.

The man picked up the pine needles and hoping to create a woven circle of needles, he began.

First he formed a small ring by knotting one of the needles into a loop.

The loop broke repeatedly and although the man was annoyed with the pine needles, he carried on.

Next he took several needles and tied them together with cotton, hoping that it would form a solid scaffold, so that when the weaving was finished, he would be able to cut away the cotton thread, leaving the woven structure intact.

Well, that didn't work. And now he was really pissed off.

After numerous fruitless attempts lasting the best part of two hours, he managed to form the needles into a roughly cyclical shape, far from the sublime vision he had begun with.

It was a bit pants, but time was of the essence and the result was just about adequate.

This is one of those all-encompassing metaphors for life which serves to highlight the feeling of numbing inevitability we all experience from time to time.

OH, HANG ON! THAT'S NOT A METAPHOR! THAT'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

OH GOD! WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?"

you are making small rings out of pine needles

loser

00545 Day77, POV 1.0

2011-05-22T11:11:00.004Z

Persistence of vision - when you find yourself standing in front of a camera at one o'clock in the morning randomly waving a handful of LEDs around in the air, you know you've reached that special place.

There's so much scope for making crazy mad things here, that I'm afraid to go out into the world and talk to people in case I get excited and end up shouting,

"The Lights! The Lights! We must make the Lights talk!"

Don't even get me started about the pretty patterns thing. Then I'd have to lay some pretty heavy convergence s**t on you.

00544 Day 76, the Daisy Cutter

2011-05-20T15:46:00.001Z

She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she drives a tiny car made of flowers.

Does that mean she still loves me?

00543 Day 75, the PWMMCPCB

2011-05-19T07:15:00.005Z

The pulse width modulation motor control printed circuit board allows a finer degree of control over the EMF magnitudes driving a standard coil wrapped, brushed DC motor, in comparison to the alternative method of potential division and graduation.
In essence, the precipitation of copper within an aqueous copper chloride solution, removes unmasked areas of the copper clad fibre-glass substrate (masked using a Xylene based indelible solution), revealing tracks with negligible resistance to which two 100 nf polyester caps are affixed with flux core solder along with a potentiometer, which acts as the circuit input. But the heart of the circuit resides within the dual in-line IC package, where we find the ubiquitous 555 timer, configured to oscillate in an astable manner using the aforementioned components. The oscillations allow for a modulation of the DC duty cycle supplied by the circuit, which in turn allows a fine degree of control over the cyclical movement exhibited by the motor.

OR

This thing's made of stuff from the Internet all stuck together onto a piece of plastic and it turns the motor on and off really quickly. If you change how often you turn the motor on and off, you can make the motor go faster or slower.

00542 Day 74, the Solargraphy Camera

2011-05-18T19:44:00.004Z

Solargraphy

T = (E) - (I)

Where

T = Time until image is revealed

E = Suggested exposure time (3 months)

I = Impatience factor

Note:

I increases with T until I = E, at which point T = 0 and the image can be then denoted by F.

F = Fail

00541 Day 73, the Tower of Nom

2011-05-18T11:15:00.003Z

It's been what seems like a lifetime coming, but finally, last week, the permission came through. This is a champagne moment:

We had the baker on standby, so work started immediately and, well, frankly we couldn't be more pleased with the result.

This is truly the realisation of a dream.

As soon as the application for houmous goes through, we can really draw a line underneath the whole project.

00540 Day 72, the Little Painting

2011-05-16T13:41:00.003Z

Only made possible by the liberal application of re-positionable Frisket Film (clearly made by the same people who brought you "peeling the loose skin from the underside of your foot", "the dry scab picker and "painting your fingers with PVA and then removing it as a complete sheet").

Don't deny yourself the satisfaction.

(music c/o Bernard Cribbins)

00539 Day 71, the Gyre

2011-05-16T09:06:00.003Z

In a time before man, Gods ruled the earth, living beyond what we could ever dream of perceiving.

And as they roamed the globe, they left their marks. Their mighty feet would scar the land, carving out great valleys and raising mountains. Their tears would fill the rivers and their blood would burst from the hills and run as molten lava.

Now they are gone and their legacy is the landscape, the singular proof of their existence.

But once in a thousand years, their essence, which still fills the skies in the shape of ephemeral clouds, concentrates in a single focus and leaves behind faint signatures, implying what greatness they used to possess.

That's what I heard, anyway - I raked this one at Vazon, with Brett and had cheese and marmite sandwiches (with gherkins).

00538 Day 70, the Rake

2011-05-15T21:14:00.002Z

A cautionary tale:

After hours spent trawling the Internet for information about the construction of rakes, I set about my task with the zeal of a man possessed.

When my labors were done, I stood back to survey the work.

Imagine my surprise when, upon reviewing the whole, I discovered that instead of a "long-handled implement with a row of projecting teeth at its head" (used especially to gather leaves or to loosen or smooth earth), I had instead created a "fashionable/wealthy man of dissolute or promiscuous habits".

Curse my inability to distinguish between objects and people. I must employ more stringent research methodology.

Here's what my endeavors should have yielded:

00537 Day 69, Tanks!

2011-05-15T20:40:00.002Z

"At last, the new equipment has arrived, we will be able to push the foreign scum back into the sea and then we will taste the sweet, sweet brioche of victory (with marmalade, for extra sweetness). Only then will I rest, only then will I be able to return to my little cottage in the country where I will take up some random hobby or other, probably involving stamps or etching."

- knock, knock -

"Enter!"

"Greetings to you, sir, my slightly eccentric superior officer!" (salutes)

"And to you, my slightly characterless underling who plays no other significant role in this scenario, which is beginning to resemble the script for a bad play about the second world war. What news of the machinery I ordered?"

"Sir, the chief engineer has queried the specifications of the new ordinance."

"What seems to be the problem? I ordered 10 tanks with 205mm armaments, nothing more complicated."

"Ah." (turns red), "Sir, it would appear that we have instead taken delivery of 205 10mm tanks."

- silence -

"They are quite sweet, sir"

"IDIOT!!!!!!!!! CRETIN!!!!!!!!
"We will have to re-evaluate the situation and scale down the invasion plans accordingly. Assemble the troops immediately! We will attack all enemy targets which do not exceed an inch in height!"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

00536 Day 68, Tired

2011-05-04T22:11:00.005Z

Excerpts from the BMJ peer-reviewed paper from 2005, relating to the little officially documented, but much (anecdotally) observed Maker's Panic:

Maker's Panic - an heuristic analysis

Subjects exhibit signs of irrational movement between projects, each of which they see as singularly important.

In many cases the time-poor maker will seize upon any idea which he or she will believe will yield a completed product before the end of a pre-determined period. The reality, of course, is that they are delusional and each task they undertake will drive them deeper into the panic.

They will eventually succumb to the realisation that all of their many efforts will be cut short, either that or they just fall asleep.

Case study - Subject L1

20:00 Subject shows classic "Large Project" leanings as he attempts to construct a PWM circuit without breadboarding.

20:30 Although the PWM project contains large amounts of detail beyond the subjects scope of comprehension, he ploughs on with only the smallest signs of doubt in his mental periphery.

21:15 The PWM project is abandonned.

21:16 Subject consumes a glass of wine.

21:20 Subject takes up mold making - a project he believes may yield some form of result because it has been underway for a number of days already.

21:45 Fairly quick realisation dawns that the cure times for RTV silicone are such that this will also be a dead-end.

21:46 Subject consumes a glass of wine.

22:00 Subject embarks on "Knight on horseback made from electrical components" project.

22:45 After looking objectively at the scale of this project the subject is clearly becoming fatigued and frustrated. The amount of time needed here is way beyond what is available before the need for sleep will take over. The panic is clearly beginning to form in the subjects mind and his thoughts are becoming erratic.

22:55 A last tired attempt to progress marks the end of the KOHMFEC project for the time being.

23:00 Subject consumes a glass of wine.

23:13 Subject now looks for a shorter duration project and decides that small paintings made on scraps of wood will suit the available time-frame.

23:45 The wood is collected and some pieces are painted, but the need for the paint to be sanded leads to the now exhausted subject finding that paint which has not dried merely paints the sandpaper leaving bare patches of wood on the "canvas".

23:55 Full blown Maker's Panic. Sweating and occasional swearing. Despondency begins to set in.

23:57 Subject consumes a glass of wine.

00:05 Subject consults lists and other forms of "inspiration", but the panic has fogged his judgement and he flits from one possibility to another at a vastly accelerated rate.

00:25 Subject is forced to confront the only possible avenue available at this late stage of the panic and picks up a sketchbook and pencil.

00:35 After drawing faint, random circles on various pages of the sketchbook an image starts to take shape.

00:50 Interestingly the subject's frustrations at being unable to finish any of the tasks he has set himself because of the approaching need for sleep seem to have manifested themselves in the project that he finally manages to complete. It is a drawing:

00:51 Subject is asleep

00535 Day 67, the Cap

2011-05-04T20:12:00.002Z

I would take my hat off to Panda Face for his awesome pattern.

And the only things I'd like to add are:

1. Old trousers make awesome cycling caps
2. I wore it all evening and felt special
3. I'll be making my own patterns next
4. My old trousers are smaller than they were before this began

00534 Day 66, the Pencil

2011-05-04T20:08:00.002Z

We've all been there. Stuck with a green pencil. No markings, save for "WHSmith" embossed near the end. Not even a rubber.

But what can you do?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO. GET HOLD OF A KNIFE AND CARVE THAT MOTHER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now calm down and put the knife away before someone gets hurt.

00533 Day 65, the Dragonfly

2011-05-02T17:30:00.001Z

I see you've spotted the Dragonfly. You have a shrewd eye, my friend. Step this way.

It may look allot like the others, but let me tell you that this baby represents a number of high dollar-value R&D top-line, state of the art, mainline feature investments (what's really impressive here is that we built her and even we don't know what that means).

Firstly notice the suspended top wing. That's right, not attached directly to the fuselage, simply held by the spars from the lower wing.

And that leads us nicely to the wing attachment itself. Unlike it's forebears, she's hiding a revolutionary new attachment protocol:

As you can see, the nose cone is a separate entity entirely and the split fuselage houses the main body of the wing where it meets the superstructure.

And in the sky? Nothing can touch her.

Why? You may well ask.

The answer is simple, no engines, inch and a half long and lying in pieces in a plastic tub - Nothing can touch her (unless you can get the tub open).

00532 Day 64, the Cube

2011-05-02T16:59:00.003Z

Many years ago, I came across a number of what I think of as stange and incongruous geometric aberrations, of which the Menger Sponge is one (along with the Koch Snowflake). The Menger Sponge simultaneously exhibits an infinite surface area and encloses zero volume.

This is not it (although strictly speaking it is - but only where the process of making it has been iterated no times ... I think).

In Origami, there are allot of people who seem to be obsessed with making the Menger Sponge (to about a third iteration). Which is why, after building "the Cube" I found myself being dragged into a world of fractals and paper chaos.

Luckily, just as I was about to be trapped, I dozed off.

Phew.

00531 Day 63, the Flowire

2011-05-02T15:52:00.002Z

Late at night when everyone is just about to go to sleep, from the fertile ground of the workbench, warmed by the heat of the soldering iron the Flowire springs into life.

It's tender bloom lasts only long enough for it to be captured under the glare of the strobe and then it fades.

- not because it's life cycle means that it's petals must drop as it diverts it's energy towards nurturing the new generation of seeds. No.

It's because the cats knocked over the light tent.

00530 Day 62, the Tank

2011-05-02T15:38:00.003Z

Look here, Chaps, we're in a bit of a pickle.

We're surrounded, cut off from HQ, no ammo, the lads are exhausted and frankly half of them are too badly wounded to fight.

It's looking pretty bleak, I don't think we can hold out much -

- Hang on. What's that noise?

... it sounds like diesel engines! It can't be!

REINFORCEMENTS!!!!! WE'RE SAVED!!!!!!

Oh, crikey, it's only an inch long.

Corporal, do you still have that white sheet? Be a good fellow and stick it on a pole, would you?

00529 Holiday

2011-05-02T07:54:00.002Z

I have kidnapped Lenny and if my demands are not met I will release him after his holiday is finished.

Here are my demands:

1. I want a plane to take me to the airport.
2. I want another plane to meet me at the airport when I get there.
3. I want custard. I like custard.
4. No silly business.
5. I want a pair of jeans that really fit me.
6. I want excerpts of my memoirs published in one of the broadsheets. Not the Independent (although technically it's not really a broadsheet anyways).
7. I want all this mess cleared up before I get back.
8. More custard.
9. I want 10.
10. Oh, thank you, that was fast.
11. I want this to be the last item on this list.

There.

You have 24 hours.

And then, perhaps, a bit more (but don't take the piss).

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

00528 Day 61, Drawdio

2011-04-27T09:49:00.004Z

Today I walked down a well trodden path.

But before I walked down the path, I didn't realise it was there.

I mean, it was there, I just didn't see it.

I think I was looking up at the sky.

But when I looked around I saw that, not only was I walking along this very clearly defined path, it had clearly been made by people wearing big clown shoes.

Then I looked at myself. I WAS WEARING CLOWN SHOES TOO!

Not only that, when I got to what seemed to be the end of the path, there was lots of little paths leading off from it in all different directions and all of them lead to bright, colourful towns where everyone wore huge trousers and red noses and drove cars with square wheels.

I stopped for a minute to think about what to do next.

That was when I saw the sign.

And the sign said:

WARNING:

YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO CONVEY MEANING IN A METAPHOR, BUT YOU ARE ILL EQUIPPED TO DO SO, AND HAVE FAILED.

PLEASE RETURN TO THE REAL WORLD WHERE YOU WILL FIND A MORE CONCISE AND INFORMATIVE EXPLANATION AS TO WHAT YOU HAVE MADE TODAY

So I just went home and made a Drawdio in order to explore the relationship between electrical resistance and sound using pencil, paper and a few electronic components (most notably a 555 timer chip).

Go to the Drawdio site and make one NOW.

Afterwards I went to get a drink from the fridge and slipped on a banana peel.

00527 Day 60, "Knockout"

2011-04-25T22:58:00.002Z

"Alright, Jimmy, I want you to come out fierce on him in the second half. He won't be expecting the left, so play it nice and cool and then give it to him when he's looking at the right. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Good boy, now get out there."

=Ding, ding=

"Smack!"

"One-a, Two-a, Three-a, Four-a, Five-a, Six-a, Seven-a, Eight-a, Nine-a.
Yoooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr OUT!"

"You git, Jimmy"

00526 Day 59, the Brushes

2011-04-25T22:47:00.003Z

In ancient Japan where a lifetime's devotion to perfecting a single discipline is held in the highest regard, there lives a man who is famed above all others.

He is a brushmaker.

He lives in a small and innocuous house that borders the edge of a placid lake from whom it is said peace and harmony are mingled in such a way as to produce waters of unrivaled purity.

It is here that he toils through the day and long into the night, producing the finest brushes from the rarest materials.

His workmanship is the stuff of legend.

His brushes fetch the highest prices and are sought out by the wealthiest of collectors.

It is said that if you were to paint but one stroke with a brush made by his hand, that the image left on the surface of the paper could tell a thousand stories if only man had the wisdom to read them.

I on the other hand, use the hair of my Daughter and that of my cats.

Cheapskate.

00525 Day 58, the Baby Amp

2011-04-25T22:37:00.004Z

"Ahhh! Isn't she sweet? What's her name?"

"Well, we haven't really decided yet, seeing as she's an amp."

"Oh, I had no idea, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, we get alot of that. We found parts of her at the dump."

"Omygosh, how awful. Do you know who the parents are?"

"No, but we're pretty sure the mother was an LM386 n-1 and the father was a flooring plank from an old French railway building. We do know that she has a home-made PCB."

"Well at least she has that going for her. Id she much of a handful?"

"Only when she gets really loud, but even then she can only crank out about 2W."

00524 Day 57, the Badge

2011-04-25T22:06:00.004Z

Another day in the House.

The day began as usual, I picked up the phone. It was the Boss.

"Get your ass down here, we need a badge," she said.

"OK, give me ten to get ready," I was still groggy, it was early.

"We don't have ten, make it five and I won't throw you to the dogs."

Another crazy day.

When I got down there, there was words and drawings and the Boss was mad with all the excitement. She'd been on the sugar.

"Here's the scene, we do the badge and then we move on to the next big thing. Either that or I throw you to the dogs."

"Ok," I said. There was no point arguing, it'd only make things worse.

Twenty minutes.

"Where's the badge? I gave you the backgammon piece and the components. All you need is the battery, the safety pin and the tape. Now get to it, or I'll throw you to the dogs."

I didn't sign up for this.

Ten minutes go by, the magnets are on and the little guy is almost done. Just the circuit to do and I'm clocking off.

Five minutes more.

"It's done. Can I go now?" I ask.

"I like it. Now get outta here, before I throw you to the dogs," she shouted.

Just another day in the House. Can't wait for tomorrow. Never can.

00523 Day 56, the Test Lamp

2011-04-22T22:20:00.003Z

Sometimes a design can be so good that not only does it stand out both in form and function, but it brings new meaning to lives and raises the spirit. It inspires and elates. It combines many complex ideas in one simple entity which shines brighter than the sum of it parts and moves everyone who sees and touches it as a result. The hairs stand up on the back of the neck, the blood flows faster through the temples.

Sometimes it all just comes together and everything is just right.

This was not one of those times and this was not one of those things.

But there are little things that shine in it. This is not a metaphor, they are 3Watt LEDs.

This was for Mark, who wanted to see how resin cast in wood works with lights and different levels of diffusion.

This could not be a better example of a good concept executed badly (unless you count military coups on the African subcontinent and the subsequent reaction from the developed nations, perhaps)

Basically, each time you press the button it cycles to the next lamp (all 3W LEDs).

We got your regular clear resin on the bottom, we got your clear resin with diffusion paper, and we got two different thicknesses of clear resin diffused with colloidal silica.

And it's reprogrammable. It's the details of this one that are awesome.

I can hardly contain myself.

But I'll manage.

00522 Day 55, Sand and Sun

2011-04-22T22:07:00.002Z

It was The Buddha who said,

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth"

I was done hiding the truth and the whole "hide the moon" project ran waaaaaaaaaay over budget.

So, in the end, I was left with only the sun.

As it turns out, it wasn't that hard to hide. I just left this on the beach for a few minutes and the kids flattened it.

00521 Day54, the Strap

2011-04-20T18:59:00.003Z

Like a former fashion model, who's vanity overcame him towards the end of his marginally successful career, who has been left stranded on a deserted island with only the clothes on his back (for the sake of modesty) and who has been forced to cut his own hair after a lice infestation (probably using a stone tool of some sort, slate if he was lucky enough to find it) and for whom the idea of not being able to see the back of his own head is driving him insane(r), so my camera (hushed tones - all hail to the new camera) will never be able to directly image the spiffy strap that adorns it's rightmost strap loop.

Fortunately I always carry a small mirror tile to signal to passing ships and so was able to remedy the situation:

Now it can indirectly image the made-up whipping type knot holding together a loop of sleeved dynema which in turn is attached to a loop of shock cord (bound with the Matthew Walker two-strand) via a Prussik knot and all is finally well in the world.

P.S. in case I hadn't mentioned it, I am a former fashion model, who's vanity overcame him towards the end of his marginally successful career.

P.P.S. I am also a liar

P.P.P.S. I'm not