00696 Pocket rocket in Herm

At work someone's always threatening to put a rocket up my arse.

Hope it's not this one:

Although, if it's an actual rocket they're talking about, then I'd probably rather something along these lines.

00678 Mars or bust

The bookies are giving surprisingly good odds on bust.

00446 The X4

As part of the "beige ops" program begun by the former administration, the X4 begun life as just a single, unique cylinder of raw material, found only in one place on earth. Within five months that material had been extensively processed and she had become the figurehead project behind a general move towards miniaturisation. The design team poured everything they had into her, until one day in September of 2010, when the news broke that the plug had been pulled. Someone high up had gotten wind of the operation and demanded to see the detailed specs. It wasn’t long before they figured out that the X4, with all its groundbreaking developments, was smaller than a mini Leatherman.

The funding for the development was cut off immediately and marked “Bollocks”.

Notes:

This information has been taken directly from a corrupted report gleaned from the archives.

It is possible that “months” may have been written as “minutes”.

“One place on earth” may have been recorded as ”behind a rock”.

“Raw material” may have originally appeared as “a stick”.

00430 You can laugh now

I'll be the one who's laughing when the apocalypse comes and I gaze out from my space ship and watch you all as you burn:

I just need to get this shrinking ray working and then we're all stations go

00423 Anything but plane

... that's what I told the barman in Herm as he stiffed me £2.80 for four packets of salt and vinegars.

Still, at least I didn't get plane, I GOT ROCKET!

With a light balsamic glaze and parmesan shavings