Thursday, July 14, 2011

00598 Day 128, the Ramp

the Ramp

This is a letter that I imagined someone sent to me after Day 128:

Hi Lenny

I'm just writing to say "thanks" for the other day, when you made a car ramp for all the kids at the party on Saturday. I think they really got a kick out of it and the adults sure enjoyed being able to have a drink without the kids bugging them all the time. I think it's fair to say that we were all surprised at how much the kids were into that thing - they literally didn't need any input all afternoon.

I say all that, but what I was really writing to you for was to tell you what happened afterwards.

As soon as you left, the ramp broke. On it's own this probably wouldn't have been too bad, but the kids couldn't stand the disappointment and just went mental. Two of them suffered cranial hematomas as a result of the ensuing fight and little Jimmy will walk with a limp for the foreseeable future. Again, although serious, this would not have been a problem, except that all the adults had been drinking so heavily (the spontaneity with which they were relinquished of their parental duties was so shocking that they pretty much forgot how to moderate their intake) that they were unable to intervene effectively.

In fact, things just escalated from there and pretty soon the adults were at each others throats.

The fallout from this has been nothing short of catastrophic. Two are dead, five seriously injured and one couple are taking legal action against each other.

Although I could probably blame the events of the last week on the drink, I think it's pretty clear that your meddling has directly caused a lot of pain and suffering. So when I say "thanks", what I really mean is screw you and I'll see you in court.

I didn't include the name of the author, just to save them from embarrassment (although I just remembered that I made it all up).

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