Thursday, May 26, 2011
00555 Day 86, the Double Funneller
The state of affairs to date is best illustrated by the lively letters exchanged between myself and the Great East India Passenger Transport Company:
Further to our previous correspondence, I am pleased to inform you that I have completed the design, construction and maiden voyage of the "DF-2011" with great success.
I now commend the plans to you and eagerly await your response, so that we may enter into partnership and plough ahead with full scale production.
Yours with great anticipation
And the reply:
I fear you are gravely and, I might venture, insanely mistaken.
In the first, we have not been in "correspondence". A "correspondence" relies on the premise that a minimum of two parties must communicate with each other. In your particular case you have contacted ourselves on no less that 123 occasions and we have yet to grace what can only be called your ramblings with any semblance of a response.
In the second, your designs for Ocean-going passenger vessels have left us bereft of the capacity to understand the workings of a human mind gone so badly wrong. You, Sir, are an idiot in the greatest sense of the word. It has in fact been suggested and universally agreed, that new senses of the word be drafted immediately, so that some of the less well intellectually equipped among us might one day strive to comprehend the magnitude of your imbecility.
Please do not pursue the matter further as we will have no choice but to call the authorities in order to assess your psychological state in preparation for your transfer to a secure facility where you will no longer pose a threat to yourself and the general population.
Yours conclusively and with unequivocal allusions to the finality of this matter,
General Sir Digby Digbyson D.S.O."
My most recent words on the subject:
Many thanks for your time in this matter.
Perhaps a meeting could be arranged to iron out these small difficulties?
I am free from Thursday. Any time.
Yours with the willing eyes of a puppy
I have not heard from them since and must profess my self somewhat baffled.