I have kidnapped Lenny and if my demands are not met I will release him after his holiday is finished.
Here are my demands:
1. I want a plane to take me to the airport.
2. I want another plane to meet me at the airport when I get there.
3. I want custard. I like custard.
4. No silly business.
5. I want a pair of jeans that really fit me.
6. I want excerpts of my memoirs published in one of the broadsheets. Not the Independent (although technically it's not really a broadsheet anyways).
7. I want all this mess cleared up before I get back.
8. More custard.
9. I want 10.
10. Oh, thank you, that was fast.
11. I want this to be the last item on this list.
You have 24 hours.
And then, perhaps, a bit more (but don't take the piss).
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